Depression Is…

  • Depression is silent. Depression is trying desperately to cry out for something to hold on to but not being able to make a sound. It is the excruciating experience of not having the language to convey how much you are struggling. It is watching the divide between you and the ones you need grow wider and wider. It is the charade of appearing “fine” and then backsliding into unrelenting dispair.
  • Depression is haunting. It is having a conversation about future plans while the house burns down around you. It is being submerged with guilt and regret for the past and being completely hopeless about the future. It is being confident in failure before you have even begun.
  • Depression is invisible. It is the gut wrenching realization that you are no longer seen. Depression is the realization that your people cannot meet you here, that you are alone. Depression is watching yourself float away as you try to navigate a world that cannot see your hurt. Depression is feeling unthinkable pain, loneliness and fear so intensely it makes your bones ache.
  • Depression is a liar. Depression will try to convince you that you do not matter, that you never mattered and that nothing you ever do will matter. Depression will whisper your every flaw and fault to you, making it bounce around in the hollowed out places of your heart and soul. Depression will pull the color out of every vibrant thing you have ever enjoyed or loved.
  • Depression is a fight. Living with depression is the antithesis of giving up or giving in. It is running a marathon in search of the light every. single. day. It is grasping for every last straw but perpetually coming up empty handed. It is the completely ludicrous hope that you can somehow continue to fight even though the enemy is standing on your neck.

I write this in the hope that someone someday feels less alone after reading this than they did before. Fighting mental illness cannot continue to happen in the shadows or in isolation. Only through understanding and caring for each other may we begin to collectively love and care for one another, and ultimately rise.

Give ‘Em Hell

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