There are helpers everywhere. There are people who show up with cards (thank you Charlotte), and food (thank you Erin), and copious amounts of texts (thank you Jessie). There are people who look around and see what needs to be done. They roll up their sleeves and they get to work. How beautiful is that?
Today is the first day I have felt more like myself. I have called on so many friends to help lift me up – to help pull me out of the dark – and it’s working. Today I was able to feel hopeful. Today I felt a lot lighter. I’m pretty sure I even laughed at something.
The lack of sadness does not feel like a lack of her. When I’m happy, I feel like she is more with me than when I am sad. I think it’s because she would want me to be happy. I feel that so deeply in my bones; her eternal wish for me is joy.
Today, lightness found me. I’m going to chase after it and grab on to its tail and hold on tightly. I’m going to let it pull me here and there and everywhere just to hold on for that bliss a little longer. I’m not letting go of this feeling – not for guilt, or grief, or regret.
She is with me in this joy. No doubt. And for that, I am deeply, deeply grateful.
Give ‘Em Hell