It has been several weeks since the memorial of my friend. The woman who was like a mother to me. A lovely soul I think about every day, if not several times a day.

I’ll be doing something insignificant and a memory will come to me. I think of her in the kitchen, doing the things she was so gifted at. I think of her feisty Irish spirit and the funny way she would threaten me with her love. She was the kindest, most loving force to be reckoned with, I swear.

I will think that I need to call her or send her a picture of the kids. And then my brain catches up with my heart and reminds me that she isn’t here anymore. Suddenly, my heart felt sentiments have no where to land, and I feel scattered in the wind. My heart breaks again a little bit and I have to pick up the pieces.

It’s a funny thing how the heart forgets what the brain can’t bear to remember.

I’m so many ways, she is always with me. That’s the thing about me- when I love, I love hard. I love fully, completely, and forever. Whether she is here or beyond my reach, she will always be held by my heart.

I recently read a post from a friend. She talked about seeing the person she lost in all the beautiful art in the world. Her friend was an artist and she saw her in murals and blooming flowers. She hears her in the rain and in thunderstorms. The sentiment made me feel calm and hopeful. Maybe, I too could see her all around me, and she would never be truly gone.

I know I’ll be looking for her now. I know I’ll see her in the sweet faces of the animals she so loved and in the eyes of her grand babies. I know my heart can find her if I just look hard enough. And I promise, I will be trying my hardest because I miss her so.

Give ‘Em Hell