I can’t sleep. There was a mixup with my meds and I think I inadvertently suffered a huge decrease in my antidepressant. I rely on meds to keep my gnarly postpartum depression in check. Crashing off it is not something I recommend.
The worst side effect is the anxiety. I feel constantly churned up by everything. Finances, weight, work, relationships- it’s all there just gnawing at my already frayed edges. I am tired during the day and listless at night. Fortunately, my workouts seem to help stabilize me for a few hours, so I am really glad for the gym these days.
I can’t imagine going through life like this. It is super hard to function right now. I don’t get to be the person I am capable of being, and we all deserve to feel better than that.
I hope that if someone reading this identifies with this kind of chaotic and mixed up brain that they feel empowered to get help. I’m going to be just fine once my meds get back in line. I feel a twinge if shame exposing this struggle, but I shouldn’t. No one should feel stigmatized or marginalized for their mental health needs.
I know what a powerful grip a chemical imbalance can have on my life. It is so unrelenting it can nearly extinguish my spirit and it crushes my soul. It makes me believe all kinds of things that are untrue, namely that I am flawed beyond recovery, that I am unloveable, and that my life is worthless. These dangerous messages pull me under even in the face of my own special brand of optimism.
In a few days, I’ll emerge from this fog. I’m really looking forward to that. For now, I felt compelled to share the real and critical struggle that people with depression and other mental health issues face. Never be ashamed to seek out help or talk to someone if you suspect something more is going on with you. There is a lot of light in the other side.
Give ‘Em Hell