Oh, so today is one of those days. One of those cry-in-your-office-with-the-door closed, where-is-my-wine, how-will-I-make-it-to-bedtime days. Apparently, being without my husband for long enough turns me into the walking wounded. It’s silly and a little embarrassing, but we all have these moments, yes?
My mom has been here helping with the kids, along with Tom’s mom, so I can get some work done and take care of the demands at the office. With my mom leaving today and no other reinforcements coming in, I feel like I’m trying to hold back a tidal wave with an umbrella. Work has me running pretty ragged and I think even if things were normal I would be curling up and crashing at the end of the day anyway. Now that I have to hold it together, I feel like a hot mess.
I honestly feel like I can barely keep it in anymore. I have dissolved into tears more times than I want to admit- just overwhelmed by who needs me and what I have to do. My head hurts. My eyes are swollen. I feel like I’ve aged 5 years. I look like I’ve aged 10.
This is life though. Crying while you are stopped at the traffic light is normal. It’s hopefully not every day normal- but even if it were, that would be okay. Life is saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s having the reaction you wish you could undo but end up having to live down and repair instead. It’s taking in the days where you feel so utterly deflated, but picking yourself up and going along anyway.
Of course, I feel privileged for just having one of these days. I miss my husband because he is away doing something awesome, not because I will never wrap my arms around him again. I cried because I couldn’t handle it, but it will pass and tomorrow will be another day. My life hasn’t always been so glorious, I know.
Today I will let myself cry. I will look red and blotchy and swollen. I will say and do the wrong things, even when I try not to. After all that, I will have a glass of wine. I’m going to distract the kids with play dough and call it good. It won’t be exceptional, but it will be good enough. And good enough is good enough for me.
Give ‘Em Hell