Hi friends! Tomorrow is my Tedx talk. I went through rehearsals this morning still sick as a dog. The amazing Tedx team helped me get ready and I ran through my speech on the main stage a few times. The first run was a little rough, and things got a little better the second time through. Still, something in me has cracked a bit and I realize I need to come here and rely on the love that has lifted me up and held me safe for over a year now.
The deepest truth is that I’m scared. I’m scared I will screw up. I’m scared I won’t do my message justice. I’m scared to talk so openly about the power of love in front of real live people. I’m scared that I’m not enough, that somehow I am lacking as a messenger. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not passionate enough. NOT enough period.
This isn’t like me. This isn’t a frame of mind that I usually operate within. But I believe it comes from a place of being afraid to care as much as I do. It comes from a somewhat desperate place that is hungry to create love and light in the world. There is a little (read: big) voice in my head that nags at me, taunts me with feelings of self-doubt about how ridiculous that notion is. That voice is creeping up on me today, and it is not welcome.
But then a friend came along and reminded me that love isn’t a silly enterprise. I am reassured that care and connection are important values.
Even though I am really scared, and even though I feel terrible, I am going to press forward. Somewhere I believe someone needs to hear the love and encouragement I have to share. This moment in my life is about taking the leap, even though I don’t really have all the pieces sorted out yet. It’s a leap of pure faith that the silly notions I feel in my heart are necessary. That someone needs to receive this message and that I am the appropriate messenger.
I am chosing to believe that tomorrow will be amazing. I am chosing to believe in something bigger than myself to get me through it. I am thinking of everyone here who has helped me create this moment and I am leaning in to the overwhelming gratitude I have for you all.
Give ‘Em Hell