Love Army

Hi friends! Tomorrow is my Tedx talk. I went through rehearsals this morning still sick as a dog. The amazing Tedx team helped me get ready and I ran through my speech on the main stage a few times. The first run was a little rough, and things got a little better the second time through. Still, something in me has cracked a bit and I realize I need to come here and rely on the love that has lifted me up and held me safe for over a year now.

The deepest truth is that I’m scared. I’m scared I will screw up. I’m scared I won’t do my message justice. I’m scared to talk so openly about the power of love in front of real live people. I’m scared that I’m not enough, that somehow I am lacking as a messenger. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not passionate enough. NOT enough period. 

This isn’t like me. This isn’t a frame of mind that I usually operate within. But I believe it comes from a place of being afraid to care as much as I do. It comes from a somewhat desperate place that is hungry to create love and light in the world. There is a little (read: big) voice in my head that nags at me, taunts me with feelings of self-doubt about how ridiculous that notion is. That voice is creeping up on me today, and it is not welcome. 

But then a friend came along and reminded me that love isn’t a silly enterprise. I am reassured that care and connection are important values. 

Even though I am really scared, and even though I feel terrible, I am going to press forward. Somewhere I believe someone needs to hear the love and encouragement I have to share. This moment in my life is about taking the leap, even though I don’t really have all the pieces sorted out yet. It’s a leap of pure faith that the silly notions I feel in my heart are necessary. That someone needs to receive this message and that I am the appropriate messenger. 
I am chosing to believe that tomorrow will be amazing. I am chosing to believe in something bigger than myself to get me through it. I am thinking of everyone here who has helped me create this moment and I am leaning in to the overwhelming gratitude I have for you all.

Give ‘Em Hell

2 Comments Add yours

  1. M J says:

    Love is the most powerful force in the universe. It transcends death. Embrace it and there is nothing that can stop you.

    You are so much more than enough! Own that. You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. PillowHell says:

    No doubt you’ll do fine. I’ll be watching.

    Liked by 1 person

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