It just might be possible that I am finally turning the corner. It could be that the hardest part is behind me and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have fought long and hard for several months. Now, just maybe, the load will be lighter.
I am recovering from surgery slowly but surely. When friends ask, “How are you feeling?” I always stumble on the response. Good? Well, not great but not terrible? So that’s good, right? The most fair way to report it is that I have pain that is normally manageable. When I have to get my temporary implant expanders filled (every two weeks) the pain of having another 100cc’s straining my pectoral muscles can be pretty intense. It’s in the 4-5 days after an expansion that you will find me medicated and sedated. So feel free to ask me anything in that time period. I’m sure I will either agree to it or tell you the truth about it…and not remember any of it.
For my breast cancer friends that are following along, after two expansions my breasts are definitely a work in progress. To me, they look like melting candle wax. They are incredibly firm (read: hard) and have excellent posture (read: perky). My range of motion remains limited because I can’t start physical therapy until the drains come out. If you can believe it, I STILL have a drain in my right side that is showing little sign of improvement. I don’t know what to make of that but I’m sure it makes me some kind of outlier because, well, why change now, right?
The other piece of the puzzle that is finally coming in to place is the office. We are moving in this week to our custom office that was designed and built particularly for our needs. A project we had initially projected completion in May (at the latest, we swore) rolled out past July, then October, then November until today. There are still lights to hang, electrical sockets to cover, counters to install and more cleaning than Carter had pills, but we’ll get there.
Fortunately, Grandma and Nana have been here to save us once again. Tom’s mom has been an earth angel throughout this whole ordeal. She has saved us more times than I can count and my daughters have especially benefited from her consistent love and support. We are so grateful she is so giving and caring and that she lives close enough that we get to see her often. My mother has also spent the last 5 weeks with us, helping while Tom and I traveled for my mastectomy and continuing on to help us launch the firm. Despite having a life and family and friends at home who definitely miss her, she has stayed the course with us to see this dream come to fruition. I have never seen anyone work as hard as my own mother works and I am in awe and have deep appreciation for everything she is doing for us.
It is through our family and friends that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. So many of you stepped in to help make our Christmas a success- and with your help, it absolutely will be. (Yes, I will definitely post lots of Christmas joy pictures and videos.) Thank you so much for stepping in and for making this year beyond special for us. I really don’t have words for the humility I feel and sincere gratitude I have for each and every one of you. We have also received help with our office (thank you Cavalinis!) and people in general around us have been kind, giving, and loving. Thank you for lifting us up and for helping me personally put one foot in front of the other.
This is definitely a lighter moment in this journey. I don’t feel so weighed down by the fears and physical suffering of cancer. I can catch glimpses of what life will look like when this is all behind us. I know I am headed back down the rabbit hole a little in January when I start 6 weeks of radiation in Seattle. But for now I am here, I am happy, and things are good. What else can a girl ask for?
Give ‘Em Hell