I’m going to write a quick but brief update on my status just to let everyone know how we are doing and what we believe the next steps are (for now). I spent three days meeting with doctors and getting tests before finally being admitted late yesterday. I won’t go into the chaos of miscommunication and stress these days have brought, but it hasn’t been fun. What we finally learned is that the clot is bigger and more of a problem than they originally thought, mostly because it keeps getting stirred up and pushed around by my port (the line they put in to directly administer chemo and other drugs). Since I am beyond chemo, the goal is to remove the port and try to give my body a chance to break up the clot on its own. The alternative is open heart surgery to remove the clot so I’m good with this for now. 

I can’t tell you how often the plan changes and how hard it is to adjust. It’s almost like reading the weather- nothing ever turns out quite the way they say it will. Tom and I spent last night in the hospital where at one point it seemed the stay was unnecessary. Twenty minutes later, we were back on track. But there still seems to be a lot of pieces missing and things happen without notice or warning. For example, did you know you can get a surprise CT scan at 2:30am? I sure didn’t. Exciting stuff. 

I hope to find out today if my port removal will be this afternoon or tomorrow. I will then spend likely another night in the hospital while they adjust me back on to a different blood thinner. For now, I’m going to do my best to pretend we are on vacation at a hotel with overly enthusiastic (and sometimes totally intrusive) staff. And I’m going to sneak in naps where ever I can to try to catch up on sleep.

The biggest bummer for me was that I had an opportunity to meet Glennon Doyle Melton, a blogger whose journey and message I really admire, tomorrow. Of course, that won’t happen now. I feel like a kid who was grounded from attending a concert. “MOM! This is so unfair! Ughhhh!” (Stomps up stairs and flops dramatically on to bed.) The only difference being that now I’m an adult and of course it isn’t fair but no one makes any promises about fair. Fair is a silly starting place, if you ask me, because when we look around us you and I both know we had a huge head start on fair compared to many people in the world. But still, I’ll have to save my GDM dream for another day. And who knows, maybe some other awesome thing will come screaming out of the sky. I’m always going to be the hopeful one. Until then…

Give ‘Em Hell.